Baron Drachenheim part V

by Giancarlo

So we struggled back, carrying our booty from the house of many doors. We got back to Madeleine du Bisset who told us it would take her about a week to categorize the ancient artifacts. We expressed our interest in the Bung of Endless Ale as our reward which Madeleine was happy to give to us after it had been catalogued. She said, however, that she thinks the bung does not so much supply endless ale but render the contents of the barrel it is attached to weightless. Well, not quite the instrument of joy many hoped it to be, but still very useful. When Madeleine asked after Alberto Costanza, the Caligari stooge that occupied the house, Borsten replied that we had found him but that "he was merely a shadow of his former self". You see he was burnt to a crisp by one of the artifacts we had found, and all that was left was a black mark on the floor. Get it. Shadow of his former self. I guess you had to be there at the time.

We decided to rest up a bit and head back to the house to finish our search. We didn’t bother waiting until dark since no one seemed to care about our explorations there anyway. However when we approached the house we saw smoke coming out of one of the chimneys. We decided to simply knock on the front door and see if anyone was home. The door was answered by a weather beaten, older looking Vodacce who told us basically to bugger off. We pretended we had an appointment with Costanza but he wasn’t interested. I decided to introduce myself (in Vodacce) as Prince Alberto’s cousin. This prompted him to go and fetch "Lord Bruno". A man looking a lot like Alfredo Caligari came out and asked us to come in and relax, we can wait inside for Costanza. None of us was going to put themselves in such a vulnerable position so using the story that our appointment was with Costanza, we left the scene.

As we moved back down the road Dandelion noticed a lurking figure following us. It seemed our friends back at the house were after something. Perhaps they were trying to find out what we had done with our booty. Anyway, Eduarde came up with a rather amusing plan, let us lead our unknown tailer to our favorite real estate agent Herr Erhardt. It might be interesting to have the Caligaris think there might be some connection between Erhardt and us. When we arrived at Erhardt’s massive estate we casually strolled up to the gates and told one of the guards that we wished to see Herr Erhardt. After a bit of discussion we convinced the guard that we had indeed been invited by Erhardt to drop in and see him.

Erhardt was very hospitable when we saw him. There were plenty of veiled threats in his speech but we assured him that we were his friends and that in fact if he ever wanted our assistance he need but call. I’m glad we left when we did. I’m not sure how much longer I could have kept up the pretense. As we passed the guards on the way out, Franz took out his money bag and tossed it up and down a bit. Nice touch, I thought.

When we got back to the house we found Armin battered and bruised. We asked him who had done this to him and he told us that a large mercenary group known as Die Adler were planning a victory march through the streets of Freiberg and were clearing their route of peasants and riff-raff. This pretty much included everyone walking down the street, and "clearing" means riding them down with their horses. I asked Franz about Die Adler and he told me they were a very nasty Vaticine mercenary group hired by Montaigne to fight at the Ussuran front against Objectionists. They were lead by Oberst Grüber, a particularly mean bastard who found amusement in torturing peasants. Borsten and myself half-jokingly discussed ways we could disrupt the parade, not realizing we would be doing exactly that in a few days time.

Feeling frustrated in our inability to do anything about Die Adler we wandered outside to see more people packing their belongings and moving out of their home. When we questioned them we found out that Herr Erhardt was already using our names as threats to force people to sell their properties to him. Quick work on his part I must say. Wondering what we could do to foil his plans I decided that I could afford to buy a couple of properties myself. Mentioning this to the others, they agreed and a couple of the wealthier ones would also be interested in purchasing. What we needed to do was find out which properties in the area Erhardt already owned, and make a bid for the others. To accomplish this we decided to visit the hall of records and look up some deeds.

On the way we came to a bridge where a group of Die Adler mercenaries were amusing themselves by throwing a group Objectionist Priests into the river one at a time, and seeing if they could float. It looked like there were about 12 or 13 mercenaries standing around and having a grand old time at the expense of the terrified priests. Without a second thought Borsten walked up to the nearest mercenary, picked him up and threw him in the river. I like Borsten. He has a very uncomplicated way of looking at things. He sees something he doesn’t like, he does something about it. Quite a refreshing contrast to the intrigue and manipulations of Vodacce politics. It turns out that the one tossed in the river was the lucky one. Between Borsten, Eduarde, Dandelion, Franz and myself the rest never really had a chance. Especially when Borsten was swinging that axe of his and chopping 3 down with one blow. Still Borsten and myself managed to sustain a couple of nasty wounds each but we patched them up and would tend to them later.

A little further along the way we heard a loud cat screech coming from an alleyway and a second later a little dog came tearing out of there followed by a huge tomcat. The dog saw me and for some reason decided I was a good spot to hide behind. He cowered behind me whimpering while this cat warily looked for a way to get to him. I managed to chase the cat off and the grateful dog decided he liked me and started to follow me. I stopped to look at him. Cute little dog. I’d never actually had a pet before. We had a dog on the farm but he was a working dog and really belonged to papa Giuseppe. Why not, I thought. I knelt down and patted him and instantly a friendship was formed. I decided to call him Bob, a rather exotic name don’t you think?

The clerk at the records office wouldn’t let us see the deeds. We tried bribery, cajoling, even pleading. It seems that you cannot see the deeds without the owners’ permission. But you need to know who the owner is in order to get the permission. However, in order to find out who the owner is you need to see the deed. I could write a book about this. Thankfully the clerk also added that a direct order from Fraulein Probst would also allow him to show us the records, since then it would no longer be his responsibility.

So off we went to see the Fraulein. She was sympathetic to our problem, but felt it would be overstepping her position to order the papers released. However if somehow Oberst Grüber’s parade was somehow disrupted then perhaps the records office would find itself left temporarily unguarded. Sounded good to us.

Borsten and I decided we better get our wounds tended to and made our way to a Dr McBride, supposedly the best doctor in all of Freiberg. But when we arrived we found there was a 2 day waiting list and so Borsten made an appointment for 2 days hence (just in case) and off we went to find another doctor, which we did. Dr Leiber was his name and he fixed us up well enough.

Back home we went. When we got there we found Don Carlos plucking his eyebrow. Hmmmm. I’m sure there’s more hair growing out of his ears as well. Anyway we filled him in on what we’re doing and he gleefully joined in on the planning. After a few rejected ideas, Dandelion mentioned dropping shit on Oberst Grüber. Don Carlos thought this was a brilliant idea and so did the rest of us when we heard. We then sat down with a map of Freiberg and planned what to do.

We found the perfect spot from which to execute our ambush. An archway under which the parade will proceed and just before one of the main connecting bridges of the city. It was close to the river which meant we could use Franz’s boat to escape. A few strategically placed piles of rubbish and an apple cart to block a small bridge will severely restrict access to the river, especially since there will be a couple of hundred men on horseback in the parade. We would gather a couple of large wicker baskets full of sewage, add a few more choice morsels, some donated by my new friend Bob, and under the cover of darkness, use buckets to haul it on top of the archway. Dandelion also suggested that we get a canvas sheet that we could tie to the top of the archway and fill with the sewage. That way we could release the rope on the canvass and all the sewage would drop at once. Once done, there were a couple of rooftops to jump across then down to our awaiting escape boat – except for Dandelion who had his own method of escaping. Then Eduarde came up with the Piece de Resistance, as he is fond of saying. We would make uniforms the same as Herr Erhardt’s men and wear those.

All the preparation went smoothly. Don Carlos, Borsten, Dandelion and myself were waiting at the top of the arch with the tied canvass. Eduarde and Ambrose had the apple cart waiting to block the bridge. The boat was tied nearby ready for our escape. Franz decided it would be best if he was seen publicly cheering on the parade as was expected of him.

Dawn came and the street began to fill with reluctant people. Die Adler had sent notes to all "important" people in Freiberg telling them they had better be lining the streets of the parade and cheering. As the morning wore on I began to get a little restless, but just as I was beginning to worry something might have gone wrong, we saw the front of the parade turn a corner and start heading our way. And there was Oberst Grüber leading the way, dressed in all his finery, prancing around on his horse, waving to all the people who were cheering half-heartedly. Closer. Closer. NOW! We released the rope on the canvass and down poured the fetid deluge. Bullseye. A roar came from the crowds as they saw Grüber covered in shit. A bunch of urchins that Borstenn had paid earlier began a chant of "Die Scheisen Adler", causing much merriment.

Up we jumped and I saw Dandelion begin to open a hole in the space in front of him. Then Don Carlos and I leapt onto the nearby rooftop. I paused momentarily realising Borsten wasn’t with us. When I turned I was treated to the wonderful sight of Borsten dropping his pants and mooning Die Adler below. He quickly pulled his pants up though when the musket fire began to ring around his ears (and arse). Unfortunately my momentary distraction gave a group of musketeers time to get a bead on me and I was hit by a volley of gunshot. No less than five bullets entered my body, but fortunately none of them hitting anything vital. Shaking and sweating from pain and shock I still managed to leap across the next roof and climb down to where our boat was moored. Don Carlos was there looking at me anxiously. Nodding that I was OK we climbed into the boat and very soon we heard Borsten’s frantic footsteps running our way.

As soon as he climbed in we were off. Borsten and Don Carlos rowed while I tried not to pass out. When we got to our docking place Borsten quickly bandaged me up so I wouldn’t bleed to death then we changed clothes and the two of them helped get back home. Once there I lay down while the others went out to join Franz, Dandelion and Eduarde to watch the parade. Apparently it was a much more subdued and surly looking Grüber who marched passed, looking as though he had been hosed down.

After the parade I went to see Dr McBride, keeping the rather fortuitous appointment Borsten had made. The good doctor managed to extract the bullets from my body and patched me up, while asking some rather pointed questions as to their origins. When I got home I was further ministered to by Ambrose and bundled off to bed to recover.

And here I sit, my dear Lucinda, all bandaged up and wincing whenever I moved. But the sight of Grüber in all his pomp and arrogance suddenly covered in shit, is worth every bit of pain I feel.

Giancarlo