Invasion of Fischler Part VII

Cher Eloise,

I know that it has been some time since I found the heart to write to you. Our last encounter was more than usually painful, but as always my love must eventually forgive whatever words are spoken, or deeds are done, in haste.

Since you met my companions and I in Castille, our troupe has been joined by some new comers as well as some old friends. A rather ugly and ungainly Vodacce nobleman, Giancarlo (I forget his last name) met us in Tannen, where we took pity on him for his loneliness and evident inability to engage the fairer sex. An objectionist Avalon missionary woman called Jill Trelawny also joined us there. She purports to have considerable skill, if not cunning, in linguistics and I am sure that she will be a great asset to our troupe even if she seems afflicted with the usual peculiarities of the Avalons. Don Carlos d'Montoya also rejoined us shortly after we left the Koenigreich of Sieger, and never have I seen a man more prepared to over load his horses with pavilions, guitars and an amazing array of unnecessary paraphenalia.

The more I see of them, the more convinced I am that these Eisen really are mad. I sometimes think that the incompetence of their leaders is rivalled only by the inability of their chefs to concoct porridge in any remotely edible form. The forces of the Eisenfürst Erich von Sieger recently crossed the border into the Koenigreich of Fischler, purportedly in pursuit of brigands but in truth none too secretly in pursuit of plunder and pillage. Our friend, Franz von Tannen, being in the service of Eisenfürst Fischler, suggested that we lend a hand or two, which having nothing better to do, we all agreed.

After having some fun with saboutage in the Sieger encampment where we experimented with the explosive force of gunpowder (it was almost as big an eruption as that time when we. but I digress), the Wachtmeister in Tannen asked us to harry the forces of Sieger out of Fischler. To assist us in this process, he assigned a mercenary band of women led by a hardened warrior maiden called Fraulein Schwierig. Fraulein Schwierig has a bad reputation in these parts, having suffered terribly herself during the War of the Cross, she assembled an all woman mercenary band, the Valkyries, with which to wreak revenge upon all men. I am not sure though whether we were asked so much as to assist as to mitigate the worst excesses of Fraulein Schwierig and her Valkyries.

We sallied forth from Tannen with great optimism, Sieger and his bully boys had proved no great opposition in the past and I doubted whether that fact would change now. Although naturally all of the Valkyries were attracted to me and sought to engage my favour, I remained aloof, my thoughts fixed firmly upon the image of your own lovely face. I tried, however, to be kind in my rebuffs of the foolish but tender affections of some of the younger ex-Valkyries, after all they were only Eisen girls, not used to the dynamic force of Montaigne masculinity unalloyed with the pure impotence engendered by Eisen porridge. Poor Giancarlo tried his hand with one of these wenches, but I must have a word to him about the best techniques and the more preferable extremities to be employed in such circumstances.

A day or so out from Tannen we came across a Sieger supply wagon, its wheel stuck in a muddy rut. The dozen or so Moerderbande assembled around the stranded wagon were quickly dealt with by Fraulein Schwierig and her Valkyries, the lucky ones being the first to fall to the Valkyries' deadly pistol fire. Each of Franz, Dandelion, Brownbeard, Giancarlo, Don Carlos, Jill Trelawny and I were sickened by the fate that lay in wait for the few Moerderbande prisoners who surrendered as Fraulein Schwierig proved an adept and imaginative torturer. Eventually Franz, unable to contain himself any more, cried out and harangued the Valkyries. Franz spoke about the need for Eisen unity, how essential basic humanity and decency were and how hatred and excess only breed ever greater hatred and excess so that we eventually become like those whom we oppose and detest the most. It was a truly great speech. Finally about half the Valkyries decided to join us and cease to obey Fraulein Schwierig. For her part, Fraulein Schwierig gazed upon Franz with pure hatred in her eyes, and as she rode off, she swore that Franz and the rest of us had not heard then last of the Valkyries. I fear that she may be correct. The slightly smoldering bodies of her Moerderbande victims boded rather ill to me.

So with our group augmented by a half dozen or so former Valkyries we set off in pursuit of Sieger's men. Poor Giancarlo still did not appear to know what to do with a real woman, and so I tried to assist by explaining to him some of the many subtle Montaigne tricks of wooing, but I am afraid that he is an inept pupil. Perhaps he should have joined a monastery? For my part, out of pity and higher feeling, I befriended some of these poor waifs and showed them the benefits of the Montaigne approach to life. Some proved most promising in this regard.

The wagon despoiled by Fraulein Schwierig appeared part of a convoy with another heavily laden wagon which from the continuing ruts in the mud, so prevalent in Eisen, appeared to have continued ahead. With the keen eye of Brownbeard tracking this path, we were certain to follow them. Two days later as we approached a ford over a small but swift flowing stream, Dandelion espied movement in the trees, possibly about an entrenched roaring cannon? Ah at last, I thought, the enemy.

I argued for an immediate and glorious charge into the face of the Moerderbande's position, for no one ever expects a frontal assault without mercy? Sadly my friends have less of a feel for la gloire than I and our whispered council of war decided to ford the stream further to the north, and whilst our former Valkyrie friends created a diversion with their pistol fire, we would fall upon the Moerderbande from their rear. This does seem to be the Eisen preferred angle of attack.

Despite the terrible water damage done to be my best hat plume by spray of the stream, I made my away across it with the rest of our troupe. We then proceeded on foot, leaving the Eisen women with their pistols to start a slow but steady fire to distract the Moerderbande's attention from our true line of assault. And so it was that as the fools of Sieger tried to turn their roaring cannon to face the distant pistol fire, Franz, Don Carlos, Brownbeard, Giancarlo, Jill, Dandelion and I fell upon the Moerderbande. It was a short and bitter fight, but the deadly whirl of Don Carlos' Soldano blade swiftly dispatched the gun crew and after that it was soon all over bar the shouting.

With one or two of Sieger's men prisoner, we marched north with the captured gun. We finally met up with Fischler's main force who gratefully relieved us of the wretched and awkward roaring cannon. If only the Eisen could understand that it is not the length or caliber of a piece which does the execution, but the skill with which it is employed that is most important..?

We are now back in Tannen and I can hear the party starting. So I must away my love. One day soon I hope that we shall meet again as once we did as children, our hearts filled with love and our heads free from memory and regret.

I embrace you a thousand times.

Your adoring

Eduarde

Now and for ever more.