My brother is dead! So how do I feel?

Mostly in shock - how can this be real?

So healthy - but suddenly his life was snuffed out

"What do you mean that he died? - what's all this about?

I see my parents in pain - it's too hard to bear

All I can do is to say I'll be there

But that doesn't help them; they just want him here

And the knowledge he's not brings many a tear.

I know that my pain just doesn't compare

To the utter devastation that Mum and Dad share

But I miss him so badly, I still can't believe

Who could have thought I would learn how to grieve?

People don't realise that it's hard on me too

That I loved him also - in fact, I still do

But always they ask "How are Mum and Dad?"

They seem to disregard that I too am sad.

They say things to 'help' - "He wasn't your child!"

But he was my brother - and that pain isn't mild

A part of our family; his future has gone

There's no changing that, yet life still goes on.

So I search and I look for answers and reasons

But it won't change a thing, no matter how many seasons

The simple fact is that my brother is dead

A future without him is what we all dread.

I have my own children; its hard on them too

To see their Mum sad, they know not what to do

They don't quite 'get' where their Uncle has gone

So I try to be strong, for I must carry on.

And I hope that in time, the darkness will fade

That through my grief journey, some progress is made

For myself and my sisters, our lives will go on

For my parents, they'll always be minus their son.

But please don't forget me, for I too feel pain

That our family will never be 'normal' again

There'll always be sadness, my tears will awash

For I love you and miss you, my brother Josh!