Oh before I start James update his part of the site yesterday but I couldn't be bothered letting you know, I believe he has some more Q&A. Ask him to be sure.

I went to work today. Yes that is unbelievable to begin with.

While slaving away today I had a small amount of time to check some mail and I found a rather interesting e-mail with the subject line AN AMERICANS TOURIST'S GUIDE TO SYDNEY. This immediately got me interested.

This item basically attempted to educate American tourists on how to speak "Australian". It contained many meanings to words I didn't know.

1. Schooner: A standard glass of beer: "I want my beer in a schooner."
   
2. Map of Tassie: A woman's purse: "Darling, where's your map of tassie."
   
3. Bludger: Easy going patrons of the hotel: "Aussies are a legendary pack of bludgers."
   
4. Tart: The waitress behind the bar: "Hey, tart. Where's my beer."
   
5. Piss in my pants: Response to a welcome or offer to buy a beer, called a "shout", and requires this response to be shouted back.
   
6. Cock: General reference to a gentleman.
   
7. Sheila: General reference to a lady.
   

But the stand out quote was definitely this:

A great Australian past time is "wanking". To "wank" in the Aussie tongue means to enjoy oneself immensely. Aussies are laidback and easy going and admire the same qualities in Americans who are well known as a great bunch of wankers. If an Aussie approaches you in Sydney to ask your business, tell him you are having a wank (enjoying the sights), that you are a wanker from the States and are looking for some locals who you would like to have a wank with. That way you will blend in just fine in the Land Down Under on your upcoming trip to Australia.

By the way for the people that don't know to wank means to masturbate. I guess they got the "enjoy oneself immensely" bit right.

If you want to read all of it and not my bastardized version go right ahead.

Through my regular web surfing I come across quite a few really bad sites. One site I came across was Penny Arcade. This is not a bad site at all. Actually it is pretty good.

Just one wacky cartoon

So I encourage everybody to visit Penny Arcade as often as the can.

Today it was hot so I decided to go to the beach. I was shocked. It seems that the larger women get the less bikini they like to wear. Now I have nothing against larger sized women, but realistically they should not wear so little in front of so many people. It looks really funny when you see a large woman with a tight mid-riff top that holds in some of the flubber, but after the top ends it all just pops out like some gelatinous ooze of fat. To prove my point:

Does this make you horny?

To site where I found this has captions under the pictures. This one was good.

“where is my sleeping bag? OH! THE FATTY WEARS IT FOR PANTYS!!!!! you may keep it didra babe. it now smells like porkfart.”

Hmmm...now this only leaves me to address lovely e-mail I received in the last week or so....but later.

I'm a big comic book fan. I regularly read stories where some bad ass chump is trying to take over the world but ends up talking too much and making a stupid mistake. One thing I noticed is that they try to kill everybody before ruling the planet. Why is that?

Do they want to be ruler by default. Maybe when they asked Mary-Joe at the local bar out on a date she said she would date them only if they were the last man on Earth?

In a comic I picked up this month one character had such a plan. To take over the world he would kill everybody. Now to kill everybody most sane evil super-villains would think to:

• Blow up some nuclear device.
• Encourage a group of alien intergalactic marauders to take over the Earth
• Put marathon-christmas specials on everyday.

Now the villain in this has tried something different. What I have described has been tried many times and has always failed, so he came up with the most ingenious plan ever. His plan entails the killing of one person a week. Yes it is so simple I can't believe I didn't think of it.

According to UN statistics the world population will reach 6.79 billion in the year 2010. However if this dastardly villain has his way the population will only reach 6.789999999999999 billion.

I love graphs. With statistics I can prove anything as this shows:

Not drawn to scale, or for readability.

See I was watching a transformers episode a few days ago. In this episodes the Autobots (massive robots) are kidnapped by 5 humans (smaller non-robots). Now the Autobots really are massive and there was 6 of them in a ship that would have to be equally massive. However the ship the 5 humans were flying must have been 6 times the size.

Now I can imagine a potential dilemma that the crew of the space juggernaut must encounter often.

Navigator: Enemies on starboard bow.
Captain: Kyrk to the starboard defenses.
Kyrk: But captain...
Captain: No buts man, I expect to hear from you within the week.
Bang ship explodes sorry you lose.

The other thing I thought about was how could humans build something so big? It would take them far too long. It is similar to the case of the death star. Where would you start? How would you start. I can imagine engineers for the emperor during the building.

Matt: Hey what are you working on?
Brett: Oh this little thing?
(note Brett it furiously hammering away on a small piece of metal)
Matt: Yeah.
Brett: Oh, it's a death star.
Matt: Oh OK, I just made a wooden horse.