Metamucil ads. For those who don't know, metamucil is a product which regulates flow of poop from your arse. It helps to treat constipation and keep you regular. This product was heavily advertised, with the advertising emphasis being on people discussing their inability to participate in certain events due to constipation until they discovered Metamucil. Now they are free to go horse riding, rock climbing or get launched into orbit. There is one ad in particular that sticks in my mind.

I can't tell my friends I can't go riding because I'm constipated. Sure I could take a pill or a laxative and hope it doesn't hit me out there. Then I discovered Metamucil....

Firstly. Why would having constipation result in you not being able to sit down on a horse? Constipation is when nothing is coming out. Yes...nothing. With nothing (Yes I do stress that word) coming out there is no problem. The situation is not going to arise where you will be on the horse and saying to yourself, "DAMN, nothing came out of my arse, how embarrassing I hope nobody notices!". In fact the only event that would be hampered by constipation would be a shitting competition.

Secondly, how would Metamucil help more then a laxative. To stress again, nothing is coming out. You want it to come out. This is what a laxative does. Unless Metamucil can cause any lodged feces to disappear into thing air, or be re digested and turned into a form of goo that allows you to scare people when you smile like the Aliens in Aliens with Sigourney Weaver.

That was a very strange movie, for a number of reasons, such as:

1. How did Paul Reiser put the aliens in the room with Sigourney without being attacked? Did they make some type of deal? Imagine the situation.

Paul: Now guys I need you to attack Sigourney Weaver so I can make money.
Alien: Hssss, Hsss.Sssss...Helen Hunt.
Paul: Exactly, now you understand.
Alien: Sss, slurp....Mad About You.

2. Why the hell did they launch the ship at the end before Sigourney came out? They didn't go anywhere.

Guy from Millenium: I'm bored.
Guy who now has no job: Makes two of us, I wonder what's on ESPN now.
Guy from Millenium: I know let's go for a joy flight.
Guy who now has no job: Just before the planet is about to explode and we might all die?
Guy from Millenium: Yes.
Guy who now has no job: Good Idea!

3. I wanted to punch that little girl in the face.

Anyway.... so if Metamucil makes you turn into an alien if you don't crap when it wants you too, I'm guessing most people would crap when it asked. So wouldn't it "hit me out there" just the same as a laxative? I don't understand. Metamucil a jockey's best friend I think not!

I was browsing for pornography, and as usual entered my usual strings of naked, sex, scooby doo into the search engine. After finishing my business I looked around and realised I was at work. To alleviate the embarassment I quickly pointed out that one guy at work is a scout leader, everybody laughed and made pedophile jokes and I was happy. I then pulled my pants up.

I now look up and what do I see in front of me? The google search engine and think what the fuck, lets look for me. So I put in this site's title and some other stuffs and I get this site. I then see the category they have placed it in. Recreation > Humor > Advice, it's somewhere there. I am now astonished for many reasons:

• My pants are soiled.
• I'm not an advice site.

Maybe I should become an advice site though, so the genuii at google will have classified me in the right category.

Anyway I've been wondering what I should do to replace Henry, so I've left it to you guys, MAIL ME if you want to take the spot, but have an idea that does not include posting pr0n, or...well... anything would be an improvement after Henry.

Saturday Night Live is funny, or so I've been told. This is a very good example of why it is funny. It is well worth the download.

Well we've got a bit to get through today, and what better way to start then with a new gift idea. I think it was toilet paper today.

There is also a new edition of the "weekly" SuperDog!. Something happens I think, and there is yet another exciting, nail-biting, cliffhanger of a conclusion. SuperDog! was recently reviewed, here quote from the review:

SuperDog! brings online comics to a completely new level, with it's sheer brilliance in writing. The illustrations themselves are also highly commendable, with each scene giving so much detail that the reader cannot help feeling a part of the action.
Note: quote may be edited from original

SuperDog!'s readers and I could not agree more!

Maybe I should stop picking on cnn.com but there reporters are so bloody stupid, I cannot believe the crap that is churned out. (note to myself: how many people say this about my site?)

However this one entrenches itself in stupidity from the onset.

a laboratory discovery that researchers said may lead to drugs to help people live longer and, perhaps, even lose weight.

Since ancient times man has been searching for a secret formula that will finally allow them to understand women. Apparently they have also been interested in the fountain of youth as well. Well now they have found it!

This drug can help you live longer, and if you were a fruit fly it will DOUBLE your life span! But hang on that is not all, news just in.....it maybe be able to.... ohhh I'm so excited I can't say it..... TO LOSE WEIGHT! Yes stop press, you might lose weight. I guess the perhaps means that it will need more testing, so get back to work Jimmy!

Helfand said the gene mutation appears to work by restricting calorie absorption on a cellular level -- in effect, putting the cells on a diet. This raises the possibility, he said, of one day developing a pill that would both extend life and control weight.
"From what we know about this gene, that makes perfect sense," he said.

Goodbye diet-milkshakes. Also goodbye fat heffers at the beach in bikinis, why do I feel sick all of a sudden? This pill will help people diet without knowing it, there cells will stop absorbing calories and you will poop more! Just what the doctor ordered!

I don't know but, what is the point in having 150 year old skinny people around? People pretty much are out of it at 70 these days, I don't want to imagine conversations coming from the mouth of a 150 year old person:

Me: How are you grandpa?
Grandpa: Huh, you'll have to speak up, I just lost 12 kilos.
Me: HOW ARE YOU?
Grandpa: Don't you be yelling at me, in my day young people respected the elderly. My pants also stayed up back then also.

They had the energy for the fruit flies complex courtship ritual and could lay up to 2,000 eggs in their lifetime, compared with about 1,300 eggs normally, she said.

Not only will the old people be skinny, they also apparently will be horny. This is ALWAYS a good sign! Due to a sickening in my bowels though I will not elaborate.

I'm going a bit lean on the content today, because *hopefully* by tomorrow I will have a new design for this page up, for an idea of what it will look like Click here...NOW!

I've decided to petition the local television stations to put back a television show. Read now!

Anyway I'm going to get back to work on the design....