I want to whoo the girls! (I so felt like saying "I wants to whoo teh girls"...long story). So I have decided to become an RnB singer! Now I wasn't sure how to go about this, but I came up with a How-To for becoming an RnB star. Read this and you too will get the women, or the men.... depends on your inclination.
Note: I am in no way insinuating that male RnB singers sound like homosexuals.

If you manage to read through all that crap and still want more your a damn fool....

I love the eighties. I also love cyanide laced tomato served on the side of my steak for dinner every night, as long as there is a generous helping of a pepper steak sauce. I think one of the :)'s is in order.

Now, if I can be serious for a minute, without making a sweeping generalization, I truly believe that everything from the 80's sucked. It was the decade where the vinyl wearing heads of entertainment decided that they could put anything on TV as long as they could make some little plastic toys that would sell. A great example of this were....THE GOBOTS.

The GOBOTS were released roughly the same time The Transformers were released. If you don't know who The Transformers were click here. Now to me and anybody else with half a brain the GOBOTS were an inferior copy...let's compare.

Cykill, bad guy leader

Cykill was the leader of the bad GOBOTS, named morons. Cykill was what Homer Simpson seemed to be modelled after, what with his 5 o'clock shadow and yellow toned skin. Further proof that Homer was probably based around this character, in light of the fact that Cykill was a bumbling moron who constantly referred to his anus as a treasure hole.
Note: he may not have actually ever said this.

Let's compare statistics:

Hmmm... very similar indeed!

I believe Cykill was probably infuriated into this "evil" robot persona after he realized his pathetically shaped hands could not actually grip anything. No...scrap that thought, in fact the shape of his hands tells me he probably gripped something far too much...

Megatron, bad guy leader

Now for Megatron. Megatron was the leader of the evil group of Transformers, named Decepticons. Now Megatron was really cool as you can tell, he had a gun on his arm and could shoot people with it. That is pretty cool, unlike Cykill who only could use his arms to masturbate furiously to pictures of N'Sync naked. Megatron had some faults though. He could turn into a gun, but couldn't shoot himself. That must have been pretty embarrassing for old Megatron, who fancied himself as the baddest mother on the planet, but needed somebody to hold him in battle.

As you can see The Transformers beats this piece of crap known as the GOBOTS hands down. Don't believe me? Take a look at this one.

Scooter, faggot.

QED.

Yeah, sorry I'm a bit late with this "update". Had some techincal problems, server, dns, tcp-ip blah blah blah

I've been a bit busy, with work and some side projects I have happening...but nobody wants to read about me... hell I don't want to know about me... so onto the attempted funny for the day.

I have placed more gifts in. I guess people still buy people stuff even if it is not christmas, unless you are a jerk, or really poor and cannot afford food, but the UN is sending you computers or something so you can look up shoes on e-bay.

I've been shopping a bit lately. Well returning stuff that other people have bought anyway. Take for example two lanterns. There you go.

Now for that last paragraph to make sense I probably have to explain some things. Such as what are the lanterns and what are the translucent lime g-string. I got a phone call from a friend.

Friend: Hey George what are you doing?
Me: Sitting.
Friend: I need a favour.
Me: No, my arse is still sore.
Friend: Nah, not that I need you to return something for me.
Me: Huh?
Friend: I'll be there at 1.
Me: OK.
Note: this conversation may not have happened.

My friend arrives at my house at one o'clock, carrying a plastic bag. Now normally when people approach me with plastic bags I normally do one of two things, not give a shit or sing the intro of Batman to the tune of I Dream of Jeannie. However this plastic bag seemed different, it was that lime green color that little old asian woman carry their rice from the local shopping center, home in. (click here for the batman lyrics).

Me: What is that?
Friend: Lanterns.
Me: ?!?!?!? (yes i said that!)
Friend: Yeah, you have to return them.
Me: Why don't you?
Friend: I already did.
Me: ?!?!?!?
Friend: Then I bought them again.

The logic was also lost on me until I found out he was using them for a short film he was making that needed them. He was buying them for the shoots and then returning them. Now what kind of film needs lanterns? What kind of film has lanterns crucial to the plot? If you guessed that it is a movie about the struggle of the indigenous peoples of Australia against mining of uranium ore on their sacred land and the desecration of their habitat, you would be a fucking dickhead. It is a movie about a necrophiliac, he uses the lanterns when he is digging up the bodies or something like that. The film is called "Man who fucked dead people, because pigs bite sometimes."

Anyway back to the story. I go to return the product and in front of me is a woman that was so big, she would not be out of place anchoring war ships to the bottom of the deepest trenches in the world. She was waving around a pink see-through g-string wildly in the air exclaiming.

I want to get the lime ones, and I don't want to pay an extra three dollars!

This made my day, welcome to retartville.

ARNOLD! WATCHU TALKING ABOUT WILLIS! HAHAHAHA...that was a funny show. But THIS is funnier.

Need 'Diff'rent Strokes' info? Better talk to Coleman soon

NEW YORK (AP) -- Time is running out for interviewers who keep asking former child star Gary Coleman about his 1970s sitcom "Diff'rent Strokes."
"I've come up with the policy that, come 2001, I'll answer no more questions. We're in the 21st century here," he said.
The 32-year-old actor, whose next movie is "The Flunky" with Dean Stockwell, does not even watch much television anymore.
Instead, the sometime security guard occupies himself with model trains, DVDs, video games and the Internet, the New York Daily News reported Tuesday.

Well it seems Arnold is all grown up now and doesn't want to answer questions on his childhood now. I am wondering what else has Coleman done in the entertainment industry?

• Play Arnold in Diff'rent Strokes.
• Play cameos of Arnold in other shows.
• Gone on late night shows and was asked about Arnold.
• Got another role and people in the cinema have said "Oh that's Arnold."

In short Gary Coleman might as well be Arnold...should change his name to Arnold. Arnold Coleman! He can do interviews..yes as Arnold.

David Letterman: Welcome Gary Coleman.
Gary/Arnold: Yeah, I've changed my name to Arnold.
David: Yeah thats funny.
Arnold: No, really I have. I am Arnold Coleman.
David: Oh OK....so what was it like to play Arnold?
Arnold: I am ARNOLD.
David: Whatchu talking about Gary?

The sometime security guard...it's just to easy....but I'll say it...guarding what...foot stools?