A prybar

Just the gift for:

• The home handyman.
• A crate opener.
• The upstart car-thief.
• The serial rapist

Illustrated here is the gentleman's choice in modern day toolage. As can be seen it sports a stylish black handle with silver ends that are just to die for.

If your not convinced think of the many reasons that you may have for wishing to purchase a pry-bar, such as teaching that pesky jar of jam, with that really hard to remove lid, a lesson that it will never forget. Can you imagine nudging the top of the jar open, and then removing the shards of glass from the top of the jam, all the while taunting the jar at it's obvious lack in the toughness department, and then laughing for hours about how you defeated the jar in such an easy manner.

Alternatively you may wish to use the prybar as a "silence enforcer". What was that I just heard, my neighbours dog barking? No, it was me laughing all the way to the bank, because the last time it barked I gently tapped it across the head several times with the prybar. This solved the problem of his barking, at least until the cast they put around his jaw will be removed.

Why am I laughing all the way to the bank currently, that is because my neighbours decided it would be fun to attempt to stop me enforcing silence on the dog, after quickly introducing to my new pal prybarius maximus I deftly removed him of his wallet and watch, allowing me to easily make back the money I spent on the prybar. It truly is a gift that never stops giving!

That brings me to the next reason you DEFINITELY want to give somebody a prybar. I'm sure you have some filthy rich fatcat who lives down the road, with his fancy VCR and watch, I bet he gives you smug looks as he drives past you in his car as you are forced to walk miles to the nearest form of public transport, while he laughs at you and flicks money through his fingers. Well you can be the next Robin Hood armed with your trusty pry bar.

Simply break into his "door" and take his goods. Then take them down to the hock shop and keep the money. As you can see you have just stolen from the rich and given to the poor. Then people will write stories about you and the pope will come down and chant your name in a blessing that the whole world will see, "Blessed be ye and thy prybar".

What more can you ask for?