A bar of soap

Just the gift for:

• The health conscious.
• A budding doctor.
• A person with a compulsive disorder.
• YOU! (hint you stink)

Above is shown a bar of soap, brand name LAVA. What great imagery, washing your hands with molten rock, just the ticket to clean hands before eating. This bar of soap will provide hours of unlimited fun to all members of the family whether they are young or old, the perfect all purpose gift! But as usual I expect that isn't enough to convince you, so I have prepared many scenarios that this will be used.

Imagine coming home after a hard days work, in the mine. Your covered in soot and ash and coal and other various black materials, what better to wash yourself with then...yep you guessed it soap. But the limits don't only end at cleaning things.

Soap may also be used as a way to start new and exciting relationships! I'm sure we all have had those times in the gym showers, or prison showers were that cute guy would be standing next to you and you wouldn't know what to say. Well just take the soap and "drop" it between his legs, then tap him on the shoulder and ask him to pick up the soap. There you go instant action in your face!

That brings me to my next point, soap is a GREAT LUBRICANT. Yes this can help you out(or into as the case may be) of many tight jams. Imagine being able to say lines like:

"Don't worry, it might be your first time but I have soap, it will be fine!"

It can also help you out of those embarrassing situations, like when you get your head caught between the banisters on the staircase, no problems. Just whip out your trust soap from your back pocket and lather away, either you will be able to slip out, or somebody will arrive eventually with a hacksaw and remove you. Either way you are a winner!

If your not convinced, I will give you a final reason why YOU WANT soap. Do your kids ever bug you to go throw a ball with them? No you say? Well I can guarantee a way to make sure they never do. Get the soap and roll it into a ball shape. Now wet it slightly and throw it. Tell them if they can't catch it they will never be allowed to throw or catch a ball again. This trick worked nearly as well for me as tying them to the clothesline.