OBITUARY
(The Times,
Today we
mourn the passing of an old friend, by the name of commonsense.
Common Sense lived a long life but died from heart failure early in the
new millennium. No one really knows how old he was since his birth
records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes,
factories and offices, helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and
foolishness. For decades, petty rules, silly laws and
frivolous lawsuits
held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating
such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, the
early bird gets the worm, and life isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend
more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in
charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in second (or even last, as long
as
your best efforts were given).
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the
Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and
educational
trends including body piercing, whole language and "new math." But
his
health declined when he became infected with the "if-it-only-helps
one-person-it's-worth-it?" virus. In recent decades his waning strength
proved no match for the ravages of overbearing regulations.
He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers.
His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero
tolerance policies, reports of six year old boys charged with sexual
harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of
mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly
student. It declined even further when schools had to get parental
consent to administer aspirin to a student but cannot inform the parent
when the female student is pregnant or wants an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments
became contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better
treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything
from Boy Scouts to professional sports. Finally, a woman who was stupid
enough not to realize that coffee is hot, and was awarded a huge payout for
her stupidity, caused Common Sense to finally throw in the towel.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust; his
wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He
is survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights and lma
Whiner. Not many
attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
Anonymous
