“Smithers, for attempting to kill me, I’m giving you a 5% pay cut.”
Skinner:Mr Burns, it was naďve of you to think I would mistake this town’s most prominent 104-year-old man for one of my elementary school students.
Burns:I want that oil well! I’ve got a monopoly to maintain. I own the electric company and the water works, plus the hotel on Baltic Avenue!
“Homer, your bravery and quick thinking have turned a potential Chernobyl into a mere three-mile island. Bravo!”
Burns: Smithers, why didn’t you tell me about this market crash?!
Smithers: Um, well, sir, it happened 25 years before I was born.
Burns: Oh, that’s your excuse for everything!
“A non-profit organization with oil? I won’t allow it. An oil well doesn’t belong in the hands of Betsy Bleeding Heart and Maynard G. Muskievote!”
“Listen, Spielbergo. Schindler and I are like peas in a pod! We’re both factory owners. We both made shells for the Nazis, but mine worked, damn it! Now, go there and win that festival.”
“This house has quite along and colourful history. It was built on an ancient Indian burial ground and was the setting for satanic rituals, witch burnings and five John Denver Christmas specials.”
“Damnit, Smithers. This isn’t rocket science. It’s brainsurgery!”
Burns: For me? Bobo? Smithers,I’m so happy. Something amazing has happened. I'm actually happy. Take a note. From now on, I’m only going to be good and kind to everyone.
Smithers: I’m sorry sir I don’t have a pencil.
Burns:Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll remember it.
"The watchdog of public safety. Is there any lower form of life?"
Mr. Burns: Who is this Homer Simpson?
Smithers: Actually, he thwarted your campaign for governor, you ran over his son, he saved the plant from meltdown, and his wife painted you in the nude.
Mr. Burns: Doesn't ring a bell. (suggested by I.F)
"Take that local tavern, take that kwiki mart, take that NUCLEAR POWER PLANT.....oh fiddlesticks!" (suggested by arhill)
Burns: If you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it's your duty as an American to do it. Why should the race always go to the swift or the jumble or the quick-witted? Should they be allowed to win merely because of the gifts God gave them? Well, I say cheating is the gift man gives himself!
Homer: Mr. Burns, I insist that we cheat.
Burns: Excellent. (suggested by chpopdad)
Burns: Smithers who is that hooved fellow?
Smithers: Ah, thats the Prince of Darkness, sir.
Burns: Excellent. (suggested by chris)
Burns: Well Smithers, another Friday night is upon us, what will you be doing? Something gay no doubt?
Smithers: Wha...? I...
Burns: You know, mothers lock up your daughters, Smithers is on the town!
Smithers: Eh, eh, eh, exactly sir. (suggested by juzzy dude)
"I remember when he bagged his first hippie. That young man didn't think it was too 'groovy'."(suggested by tm)
EXCELLENT