Comic Book Guy

A comic book vendor with a penchant for burritos, Dr Who and Star Trek - this guy couldn't be a stereotype even if he tried!

Bart: Put it all on my credit card, my good man.
Comic Book Guy: Ooh, pardon me, “Santos” – if that is your real name, Bart Simpson – but your credit card is not good here. Make like my pants and split.

"Yes, this should provide adequate sustenance for the Dr. Who marathon."

"Last night's 'Itchy & Scratchy' was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured, I was on the internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world."

Comic Book Guy: Yes, finally. I would like to return your quote-unquote ultimate belt.
Salesman: I see, you do have a receipt, quote-unquote, sir?
Comic Book Guy: No, I do not have a receipt. I won it as a prize at the Star Trek convention, although I find their choice of prize highly illogical as the average trekker has no use for a medium size belt.
Salesman: Whoa, whoa, a fat, sarcastic Star trek fan! You must be a devil with the ladies.
Comic Book Guy: Hey, I, uh, de-oh...
Salesman: Gee, I hate to let you down, Casanova, but no receipt, no return.
Bart: I'll give you four bucks for it.
Comic Book Guy: Huuuh. Very Well. I must hurry back to my Comic Book Store where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them.

Comic Book Guy: Hey, how do you feel about 40-year old virgins who still live with their mothers?
Lady: Comb the Sweet Tarts out of your beard, and you got yourself a deal.
Comic Book Guy: Don't try and change me baby. (suggested by david martin)

"Are you the creator of Hi and Lois? Because if you are, you are making me laugh!"(suggested by spider)

"Hmm, allow to summarize the proposed transaction. You would like to buy a copy of Bonestorm for .99 cents, net profit to me , -$59. [Opens register] Oh please, take my $59 - I don't want it. [Bart reaches for money] Seeing as how we are unfamilar with sarcasm, I shall close the register at this point." (suggested by scott w)

VERY WELL