Moe is the ugliest bartender you will ever meet. Hang on ... yeah, he is.
Homer: You’ll get that punk someday, Moe. Moe: I don’t know. He’s tough to catch. He keeps
changing his name.
“Homer, lighten up.
You’re making ‘Happy Hour’ bitterly ironic.”
Homer: Moe, have you ever felt unattractive? Moe: Mmmmm … no.
"Aw, you're better off. Rich people aren't happy. From the day they're born until the day they die, they think they're happy but, trust me … they ain't."
Jimbo: Hey, you're a drunken posse. Can I join ya? Homer: I don't know. Can you swing a sack of doorknobs? Jimbo: Can I? Homer: You're in. Here's the sack. Moe: But you gotta supply your own doorknobs.
Homer: And by the sacred parchment, I swear that if I reveal the secrets of the Stonecutters, may my stomach become bloated and my head be plucked of all but three hairs. Moe: Um … I think he should take a different oath.
Moe: Well, Homer, you still have Lisa. Homer: She's a vegetarian. Moe: Jesus, Homer, are you and Marge cousins? (suggested by anne & courtney)
"Hi, I'm Moe or as the women know me - Hey! You in the bushes."
(suggested by chris 'big john' johnston)
"Man, you go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle against the urge to punch ‘em in the face, and for what?! For some pimply little puke to treat you like dirt unless you’re on a team. Well I’m better than dirt ... well most kinds of dirt. I mean, not that fancy, store-bought dirt. That stuff’s loaded with nutrients. I …I can’t compete with that stuff."
(suggested by mark)
Moe: I'm taking your caricature down from Mt. Lushmore. And I'm pulling your favourite
song out of the jukebox. Homer: 'It's Raining Men'? Moe: Yeah, not no more it ain't.