I have to sigh as I watch the clouds drift by overhead - one that started off looking like a pokeball has stretched and twisted itself into a yin-yang shape.  Beside me, Pikachuu echoes me with a soft "Chaa".

I can't believe I was so stupid.

Or - maybe I wasn't really that much of an idiot.  We did lose the battle, but Gary and Eevee were simply awesome.  It makes me wonder just how they've been training while I've been in the Orange Islands.  I mean, the Orange Crew were tough, but I managed to come up with ways to defeat them all eventually.  Here, in my own hometown, it was Gary who had all the answers for everything I could think to throw at him.

It's strange, considering the last time I saw Gary Oak he'd just been beaten in the Indigo League.  Maybe that knocked most of the arrogance out of him then, but now he's back to being his snobbish old self.

No, that's not right.  This time it was like he might almost have spoken politely to me...  Then I had to go and brag about beating the Orange Crew and beating him in the Indigo League, and that was that.  I suppose he's right - that trophy didn't make much difference against Team Rocket today.  Funny, that.  They hardly ever come close to winning, but today of all days, and in front of Gary of all people...

Having to be rescued by him was somewhat humiliating.  It feels like I've let myself and everyone else down.  I mean, Team Rocket are pretty pathetic overall.  They cause a lot of trouble, but it's usually nothing that I can't take care of.  Today, however, I would have lost.  At least temporarily.  Losing to those losers would have been a major downer.  I guess that's why I was so quick to tell Gary about the trophy: I didn't want him to think badly of me.

Boy, that sure worked well, didn't it?  I made as big an impression on Gary as Snorlax on the ground after a meal - in completely the wrong way.

I sigh again, and pull the brim of my cap over my eyes.  The latest cloud reminds me of Gary's hair, the way it spikes.  If I could touch that cloud it'd be all soft and fuzzy.  I wonder what the real thing would be like... not that he'd ever let me touch it.  And it's not like I'm going to try, either: I had a similar curiosity about Pikachuu's tail back when we were first getting to know one another, and I was given quite a lesson in not touching without permission.

He'd probably look at me like an idiot if I actually asked...

My eyes blink open.

Why am I so obsessed with his hair all of a sudden?!  It's not like I haven't seen it a hundred times before; it's not like I won't see it again...

I wonder if he's going to stick around in Pallet for a while.  I think I'd like a couple of weeks break from travelling, spend some time with my Mom...  Maybe we could have another battle later on, or train together -

What am I thinking?!  This is Gary Oak!  He would never -

Would he?

I mean, he was almost nice to me today...  He congratulated me, said Pikachuu and I were a tough team even when he won...

He's changed a lot since we first started on our pokemon journeys.  Since the Indigo League, even.  It's like he's... I don't know...  'growing up', I guess my Mom would say.  For some reason I don't like that thought.  It feels like he's leaving me behind again, like he did when we set off to get our badges for the Indigo League.

I don't want to be left behind.  Not by Gary.  It's funny, but he's been such a huge influence on me, and I don't know why.  I mean, I've been beaten by other trainers before, even trainers with attitudes as bad as or worse than his, but I can accept that and move on.  Gary and I never even battled before today, but he's always been a kind of measuring stick to see how well I'm doing - which most of the time wasn't as good...  When I actually placed ahead of him in the Indigo League, I was kind of shocked.  I'd spent the last year of my life trying to beat him, and I finally had - but it didn't really feel as good as it should have.  He didn't seem to care any more when I was ahead of him than he did when I was behind him.

I care whether he beats me or not; why don't I matter that much to him?

But... he did say that Pikachuu and I were a good team... and there was that time in the Viridian Gym, when I was battling Team Rocket...

I don't understand him.  I don't understand why he's so important to me.  I don't understand at all.

And having a red-headed busybody interrupting my thoughts is not going to help sort things out.

"Wanna know where Gary is?" she grins.

Then again...

It's peaceful here in the forest, walking down the road that leads to the Western Territories and the Johto League.  It's been a long journey just getting this far, and I've got a long way still to go - but my pace is steady, and I know I'll make it someday if I just keep on trying my best.  After all, my best is a hell of a lot better than most others'.  Yet still...

It feels as though one weight's been lifted from my shoulders - and another's been set there in it's place.  It's a burden I can shoulder, though, at least for a few years - and it looks like I'll need to carry it for a few years yet.

Ash is just like I remember him - a mixed blessing if ever I saw one.  Still thick as a brick half the time, childish, stubborn, a chaos-magnet if ever I saw one - and still a great friend to those close to him.  Not that I'm counted amongst those.  Not yet, at any rate.

It was tempting, so very tempting, just to hang around Pallet for a while, to watch him interact with everyone.  Ultimately, though, it would just be a waste of time.  I have a schedule to keep, and Ash doesn't yet figure in it as anything other than another competitor.

It's a little strange to think that I've finally battled with him, after being on our journeys for so long already; even stranger when you consider just how much time I've spent grooming Eevee for this one inevitable battle.  I didn't think he'd be worth my time at first.  He'd missed out on receiving one of the normal starter pokemon from Grandpa because he'd slept in, and that was hardly a good sign in my experience.  I'd been the first to arrive at Grandpa's Lab on that day, the first to make my fateful choice.  I waited by his side as two of the three other kids starting their journeys that day arrived to choose their pokemon; and I waited longer still for the third to turn up.

Ash.

I'd just given up on him, was in the middle of leaving in fact, when he turned up still in his pyjamas.  I felt so...  I don't know.  Exasperated, perhaps.  I'd waited to size up my competition, to see how they would compare to me, and I'd basically wasted my time.  I couldn't believe that such an unprepared little kid could possibly get anywhere at all with the one pokemon Grandpa had left.  I hadn't actually seen the pikachuu in question, but Grandpa had told me some shocking tales, pun intended.  It wasn't the type of pokemon a beginner trainer could realistically hope to succeed with.  Those few seeming facts were enough for me to write Ash off as an adversary; and yet...

His presence lingered in my mind.  I don't know how to explain it better than that, but somehow or other Ash had made an impression on me, one much stronger than either of the other two beginners leaving Pallet Town that day.  A literal one, in fact.  He'd run straight into me, and my path has never been quite the same since.

I've always had it all planned out, right from the very start.  I would work my way through the various Leagues, battling every chance I had, to increase my experience.  It would just be a matter of time and skill before I became a true Pokemon Master, just like my mother had been.  Skill I had plenty of, and I've continued to work at honing my skills to the utmost; time... is something I've learned to work with.

I can remember sitting at my mother's feet, playing with the growlithe she'd more or less appointed as my babysitter.  I would always want to rush off to play another game somewhere else, but inevitably I was pounced on and dragged back to my mother's side.  She'd scold me a little, telling me to take things more slowly, then direct the growlithe to let me go.  Of course I dashed right off again, and it became a kind of game in itself.  Then came the day my mother had held her growlithe back, hadn't let it go after me.  When I asked her why, she'd simply replied that it was the right time.

I didn't understand what she meant until I started my journey.  I'd picked up a wild pidgey with an injured wing when I was passing through Viridian Forest.  I took care of it until it could fly again, but then I didn't want to let it go.  I captured it in a pokeball and carried it around like the rest of my pokemon.  Then when I called on it to battle for the first time...

I'd been so wrong.  When I looked into its eyes I realised just how wrong I'd been.  I couldn't even command it properly in battle I was so ashamed.  It won anyway, and I told it to fly free.  It looked at me, as though asking whether I was sure.  When I yelled at it to go...  I don't think I've ever seen another pidgey fly so fast.

It's not that the pidgey didn't like me or anything like that, it's just... it wasn't the right time.  I passed through that area again when coming back from the Indigo League, and was shadowed a fair distance by a pidgeotto.  I wasn't sure if it wanted to come with me or not, but when I held up my arm it came directly to me.  This time it felt more right...

I headed straight home to my mother after that.  She laughed a little, and asked if I wanted her to call me her pidgey.  I declined the offer, but I did leave the pidgeotto with her, as a kind of promise.  We'd meet again when the time was right.  When we were ready to share our experiences and our paths.

In a way that pidgeotto reminds me a lot of Ash today.  He's grown, gained more experience both in pokemon training and in life, and yet we still aren't really ready for each other.  But we have time; time I don't intend to waste.  I'll wait for him to finish growing up, yes, but I won't sit around while doing so.  That's something I'm sure he can understand - his immediate goal is basically the same as mine, after all.

I can make it as a Pokemon Master, I know I can; and I believe Ash can, too, in time.  But the future isn't written yet.  I can't stop to rest, and I won't be distracted.  I'm on a journey that's only just begun, one that won't always be as solitary as it is now.

Someday the time will be right.  I can be patient until then.

He's gone again.

It shouldn't really surprise me, I suppose, but I felt almost like I'd lost something when Misty told me Gary had already headed off on his own.

I don't get it.  I seem to be saying that a lot lately, especially where Gary is concerned.  But it's not just him.  It's Mom, and Brock,and Misty too...  Even Pikachuu seems to have more of a clue than I do these days.  It reminds me of when I was a little kid, at one of my mother's get-togethers where I was jumping up and down, trying so hard to be as tall as all the grown-ups around me.  I never did manage to jump high enough, but I never stopped trying, either.  Only now, I don't quite see what it is I should be trying to do.

Back when I first started my journey I really wished my Mom hadn't packed my backpack - mainly because it was so embarrassing to have her explain to me just what she'd packed in front of everyone.  Today, I still wish she didn't pack my bag, but this time it's because it seems like she's encouraging me to go.  Not that I don't want to go, but I've barely been here a day and it seems almost like... she doesn't want me around.

She certainly doesn't need me around.  Mr. Mime is a lot better at his chores than I ever was, and he keeps her company more than I ever did.  She even mistook him for me when they first met.  Okay, so I was dressed as a Mr. Mime at the time, but still...

She wanted him to stay because she missed me.  Only now I'm back she doesn't want me...

No, that isn't right.  I know how much she loves me, and she always will, but -

I'm more than just her little boy now.  I'm Ash Ketchum, on my journey to become a Pokemon Master!  I've spent the last two years travelling all over the place and there's still so much of the world left for me to see!

Maybe...  maybe I'm growing up, too, and I just haven't noticed it yet.  Maybe that's why Mom is acting the way she is.  But even if I am growing up, I'm still me - and I still have a long way to go.

Tomorrow I'll be leaving Mom behind again, to continue with my journey.  I miss her already, but I know she'll be here waiting for me when I've completed the Johto League, and I'm not going to let Gary get so far ahead of me this time.  I may be following him down the road tomorrow, but one day soon I'll catch up to him again, and I'll show him just how good a Pokemon Master I can be!

For now, though -

I can hardly wait until morning.