Is this person real?
Yes. She's a living, breathing employee who sits scant meters from my desk and is in no way a figment of my imagination. Do you really think I couldn't find something better to fantasize about when I'm at work?

How does she keep her job?
We're public servants, therefore making it extraordinarily difficult for individuals to be sacked for anything but the most major infractions. And, in all fairness, there are aspects of her job that the Cow-orker excels at (in a good way). Our manager put it best when he said: "Sometimes you just have so much shit to deal with that you need a bulldozer."

Why do you still work there?
Inertia is a powerful thing. Plus I have a deep-seated fear of applying for jobs elsewhere, being turned down and left to confront the reality that the only position in life I'm suited for is a combination of Animal Handler, Child Minder and Human Buffer Zone. If you have any better offers, however, I'm willing to listen.

Why don't you kill her?
I have no answer for this.

If you do get another job someday and decide to leave your current position, will you give the cow-orker the URL of your site as a going away gift?
Not until I'm sure I'll never have to deal with her again.  I'd give the URL to a couple of my workmates in our section before I left, though, just so they could really appreciate the horror I've been shielding them from since last century.

A related question... what if she found it on her own?  How would you handle that?
With diplomacy and style. But only if lying through my teeth and feigning total ignorance failed me utterly.  I honestly have no idea how I'd handle this for real.

You poor man. How can we ease your suffering?
Funny you should ask. I'm dabbling with CafePress.com at the moment and have a very small range of Enter the Cow-orker merchandise for sale. Just stuff to drink out of, really. Nothing fancy, but you can find my faltering efforts at crass commercialism at http://www.cafeshops.com/enter_coworker.

E-mail me.